Our Story

Dearest little Dahlia,

We have hit the three month mark! This is a time that we have always looked forward to as a huge landmark: the “fourth trimester” is completed, colic is over (although we were spared that one), and a lot of babies can sit up and roll over. You aren’t really sitting up and rolling over a lot, but you were Sleeping Through the Night.

I say were, unfortunately, because you only did it for about 10 days. Now you are back to waking up every 3-4 hours. I’m sure your sleep habits will continue to evolve, and we will get that treasured block of 8 hours back. It took me a while to get used to it when you were sleeping for so long. I would wake up every few hours on my own and check on you. But toward the end of the 10 days, I was sleeping right through with you! It sure was nice while it lasted. You had seemed to make up for it, however, by crying and screaming inconsolably for 1-2 hours before you went to Sleep Through the Night. Although I felt it was a fair trade-off at the time, you have kept the inconsolable crying habit while losing the Sleeping Through the Night habit. We have to work on helping you distinguish good habits from bad habits.

You are learning how to make new sounds and noises. It makes me feel giddy inside when your face erupts in that huge gummy grin that you greet me with so often.

Sometimes, though, when you are in a bad mood, or as we say, “borderline”, you greet me instead with a pause, a pouty, trembling lower lip, and some crying.

Of course, the lower lip is so funny to your Dad and I that we can’t help but laugh as we pick you up or entertain you a little better.

You do demand the best in entertainment.

We still have our “Dahlia TV” time with you, but you are no longer loyal only to Daddy or me. You don’t hesitate to have “conversations” with your toy monkey or Whoozit. I have to admit that I feel a little left out, but I’m glad that your social circle is widening. The world is so much more interesting to you now that you sometimes like to play, “Where isn’t Daddy/Mommy?” as we try to engage your eyes with our own. In fact, if the TV is on, we can forget about getting your attention away from it at all. You twist and cry if you can’t see it. I know this makes us horrible parents…(don’t tell anyone that we have been sleeping you on your stomach too! *gasp*) but at least we try to make sure that you are watching things like Planet Earth, and not Battlestar Galactica.

This month you also had your first cold, complete with a snotty, stuffy nose. It wasn’t fun listening to you struggle to breathe, but it was very gratifying to suck those boogers out with a bulb syringe. Like Daddy says, “You can pick your nose, you can pick your baby’s nose, but you can’t pick your baby!” . But even if we could pick our baby, we would pick you.

Don’t ever forget it!

Love Always,
Mom

Dearest little Dahlia,

We made it through month two without breaking “any of the rules”:http://kennsarah.net/2007/01/06/full-circle/! And you made it through to begin the third month of your life with an entirely new set of skills. You now regularly smile and coo when you are in a good mood. In fact, we love it so much when you interact with us that we regularly stop videos or whatever we are doing just to watch you and coo back. Daddy calls this time “Dahlia TV”.

There have been so many physical developments over this past month! You have always been good at holding your head up, but you seem so much stronger now! When you lay on your tummy, you can look around for practically a minute or two, holding your head steady. Your legs and arms are a lot stronger and more coordinated (you like to pummel me with your feet when I bring you to bed to nurse you). You have also discovered the joys of being coordinated enough to suck on your fist and bat at toys that are dangled in front of you. I guess your physical strength is the reason that you were able to roll over when you were just five weeks and two days old. Grandma and Poppy had just gotten finished putting your crib together, and we wanted to see if you liked hanging out in it. We put you in it on your tummy, and you proceeded to roll all the way over onto your back. We actually caught this on video, which is pretty amazing, since we haven’t videotaped anything else before or since. I thought it might have been a fluke, but you have rolled over again since then. We’re proud of you. I mean, it took the dog until she was three years old until she learned how to roll over.

Although you have had a few nights where you felt it necessary to get up every hour or so, most of the time your sleeping habits are great, and you have even gone seven hours between feedings on two separate occasions! Those were almost scary times. I wasn’t sure you were okay since I am so used to feeding you every few hours. You have also taken to sleeping in your crib without a problem. This was very hard for me at first, I have to admit. It was emotionally difficult to allow you to sleep in another room. But I guess ten feet isn’t that far away, and we both seem to sleep so much better when I’m not constantly awake, listening to your every move and sometimes getting you up to nurse when you were really still asleep.

You are so much more inquisitive about your surroundings, you sometimes fuss when you can’t look around, and you definitely prefer to be vertical so you can check things out. It seems as if you learn something new every day, and that you are constantly changing! Daddy and I have realized that we shouldn’t ever feel like we have you figured out. It seems like when we do, you decide to switch things up.

My favorite part of this month has been my “conversations” with you; those special times when you stare so intently at me that I wish I knew what you were thinking. And then you start cooing and warbling. I talk to you about what you are saying and doing, and let you fill in the pauses with your own opinions. (It’s also very amusing to watch the faces that Daddy makes when he has his “conversations” with you). It is just so great. Your smile makes everything worth it. We love watching you become more aware of this big wide world around you, and we are honored that we get to show you around it for the next few years.

With much love,
Mom

I have been using a sling as a baby carrier for Dahlia, and I love it. The ring sling I have can be adjusted to hold a baby in so many different positions, you can use it for newborns all the way up until they are about 20 lbs (depending on your resiliency as a pack animal). Not only can I soothe her to sleep in it most of the time, I have my hands free, I can nurse her in it, and we have even used it to take her into a movie with us! Strollers are just too bulky!

Anyway, when I walk around the neighborhood with her in it, I usually get funny looks. Sometimes someone asks with amazement, “Is that a baby in there?”. I have to smile as I restrain from replying, “No, I usually sling a bag of potatoes across my chest like this to burn extra calories while I walk.” Most people in my area, if they have seen a baby carrier at all, are used to the Bjorn or Snuggli types.

I was taking the dog on a walk a few days ago, and I put Dahlia in the sling. One of my Portuguese neighbors stopped me and asked me whether I had had a boy or girl. I said that I had a girl, and then I offered her a look at Dahlia, who was sleeping in the sling. Surprised, she said, “Oh, that’s the baby?”. Then, after taking a look, she smiled and said, “She’s fat!”. I was laughing and telling her that Dahlia is a good eater when she followed up by saying, “She looks like you!”. I said, “Um…thanks! Have a good day!”, and continued on my walk.

Must be the language barrier.

_Ken says that I should post. I agree, but I think I have a perfection complex. I don’t want to get into posting because if I write that often, I won’t be able to make everything perfect. I realize that blogging isn’t about perfection, but with my personality, it is hard to not make it that way. All this to say that I am going to make an effort to blog. There are so many things I could write about._

_I’ve been thinking about this idea for a while, and I finally decided that I want to write monthly letters to my daughter, Dahlia. By the way, this is kind of a stolen idea from “Heather Armstrong”:http://www.dooce.com. I really enjoy reading her letters to her daughter Leta, and considering the frightening speed with which the first month has passed, I want to make sure I get some of my thoughts down in writing. And now all of you can read them too!_

Dearest little Dahlia,

I can’t believe the first month of your life has passed! Where has all the time gone? All those months of waiting to meet you have ended, and now you’ve been here for 4 weeks already. Everyone was right when they said it would be worth the wait.

So far, I consider us extremely blessed with your easy-going personalty. You have proven to be an enthusiastic nurser and sleepy “car baby”, you seem to ration your screaming and crying, and sleep in 2-3 hour chunks through the night. Although I enjoy these things, I am fully aware that they can change instantaneously. Some would call this attitude pessimistic. I call it realistic.

I have watched over the past few weeks as you have gained over 3 pounds, shed your umbilical stump to join the world of “innies”, blown out your first (and your second and third and fourth….) diaper, and have practically outgrown all the yellow, green and white newborn clothing. Don’t worry though, all of our relatives and friends have ensured that you have enough pink clothing to last most of your first year. Of all the things you have to worry about in this world, little girl, don’t ever worry that you don’t have a family that loves you. And I don’t just mean that they send you nice clothes. You have been born into a family — both genetic and spiritual — of people that care enough to travel out to visit you frequently, send you thoughtful cards and gifts, supply us all with delicious meals, do our housework, and generally make a big fuss over you. They are truly interested in investing in your life. This is, of course, what family does for one another, but I’m telling you that it is an unusual thing to have family that really cares for you.

I swear that you smiled at me this morning as I blearily leaned over you on the changing table at 3AM. How cool is that? Not only do you want to hang out with me so much that you wake up at 3AM to do it, but you actually smile to let me know you appreciate it. Or to let me know that you are about to fill the clean diaper I just put on you. Seriously, I think we need to talk about this diapering thing: it’s happened often enough for me to point out that you have picked up the bad habit of pooping and peeing on us as soon as we remove the old diaper. I like to think it is because you just want a wardrobe change, but if that’s your worst fault, I can live with it. I’m imagining you as a teenager in the mall…but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

I know that you will be growing up in a hurry, and there is nothing I can do about that but enjoy what I have while I have it. This last month together has been great, and I am so excited about the privilege of watching you change every day. So for now I will savor the grunts, squeaks and quacks that you make. I will count your toes, kiss your fuzzy head, and take time to examine your tiny fingers. I will enjoy our cuddle time and laugh at your ridiculous faces. It is strange that one day you are just pregnant, and the next day you are a parent. It seems to me that while parenthood happens suddenly, becoming a good parent is definitely a process. Dad and I love you very much, and we promise to work hard to be good parents.

Love,
Mom

It’s amazing to me the change that takes place after the birth of your first child. The world suddenly finds itself a new axis, pivoting around your little girl (at least in the scope of your sleep-deprived, perpetually distracted Daddy brain). You get offended when passers-by don’t stop and stare in wonder at your baby — whose attention you will stop at no limits to get, whose sleep patterns are constantly the subject of water cooler conversations, and whose happy glances and jerky motor responses have displaced every clever sitcom.

The realization that, in fact, all of humanity perpetuates by producing these tiny creatures and that countless men and women have had children is almost too much to bear. And you realize that this is actually how normal people think and you’re vaguely aware that a previous you — a now very distant you — used to think think exactly the same way. _What’s the big deal about children?_ That previous you had enough tact to never actually say that out loud, but the thought permeated many conversations with parents, and you wince at your open ignorance.

But now, here you are on day 21 AD (After Dahlia), hoping to get a social glance while changing diapers in the middle of the night, sharing tips for calming techniques with your family, and turning into a big mush whenever you get a quiet moment with this new little person.

Yesterday was my first day back at the office and, not surprisingly, our hardest day with Dahlia yet. D had been up with Sarah every hour from 11 PM until 4 AM (when I stayed up with her and flipped through the news of the day). It didn’t get much better after that, either. I came home to a frustrated Schmoo, a dozing baby, and an anxious dog. Dahlia hadn’t slept all day, wanting to be fed every hour.

I made some dinner and we sat down in front of The Office so Sarah could eat in peace and take her mind off our little budding fascist. Around eight, she and Dahlia went down for a nap while I worked in the living room. It was only an hour later when Sarah brought the fussy baby out, dropped her in my lap, and went back to the bedroom.

Dahlia and I hung out for a little while, but soon enough she was grumbling and crying. I changed her diaper, rocked her, swaddled her, shushed her, and soothed her. After about ten minutes of this, she’d either veg out and stare or fall asleep. I sat on the couch with her in my arms, only to have her flip out a few minutes later, and we started the whole routine over again.

I figured that if I could quiet Dahlia down, she really couldn’t have been _that_ hungry (babies have an uncanny ability to let you know when they’re really in dire need). So we kept dancing on until about 10:30 PM when she was totally inconsolable. I woke Sarah up to feed the baby — she had slept about two hours at that point.

We went to sleep again around eleven, only to have Dahlia fuss again at midnight. I scooped her up out of her crib and went back to hop around the living room. I was just able to keep her from exploding in angry cries until 1 AM, giving Sarah another two hours of sleep. Sarah sent me back to bed so I could get some rest before heading into the office this morning.

I was exhausted, and I overslept. But today was a much, much better day for Sarah and the baby.

The first few days after your birth, we were running on adrenaline. All of our family within a two hour drive came out to meet you; my sister even volunteered to change your diaper. Grandma’s been here the last couple of days to help by making a meal or washing the dishes so we can sleep. But last night, things finally slowed down as we all learned what the next few weeks are going to be like.

You were so alert! I changed your diaper after you started fussing in your crib. I expected you to fall asleep after I swaddled you, but instead you opened your eyes around 11 PM, and just kept looking around. You looked at your Daddy for what felt like an eternity before turning to watch me upload your photos into Flickr. I made iTunes do some cool things on the screen, but you weren’t impressed. You stared inquisitively at my favorite stripey shirt — the pattern fascinating your growing newborn mind — right before you ejected 3 ounces of milk onto it.

Afterwards, you were the frumpiest we’ve seen you yet: hungry and in pain. Mama winced in sympathy, knowing how confusing your state must have been to you, and helped by burping and feeding you. She sent me to bed at 2 AM so she could take the night shift. I felt bad, but we both knew I needed it. She’s tough, your Mom: she used to do 1- and 2-hour overnight checks at the equine clinic, so she knows how to survive on a little sleep.

After flying through Newark rush hour traffic and weaving through the parking lot that is Route 80, Dahlia was born in Denville today at 7:34 PM, weighing in at 7lbs, 8oz and was 19 and a quarter inches long. Both mom and baby are doing just fine. Pictures, soon.

Update: Pictures here.