Just wanted to send a shout out to my husband who watched Dahlia for the past 5 days. It is incredibly comforting to know that I can leave Ken with the baby and watch him turn into Mr. Mom without a complaint, and seemingly without effort.
When I got home last night, the house was picked up, the dishes were done, the dog was taken care of, and the baby was peacefully asleep. Incredible.
Dahlia said she enjoyed her time with Da-Da immensely. She even asked me when I was going away again.
wait, really? she did?
Well, no, not really. But she seemed to have such a great time, she might as well have!
Very nice.
Now Ken needs to try something more typically male and heroic — perhaps a little dangerous — and then please post a shout out to him.
Then we know you really appreciate him for all that he is and all he can be.
You mean like… um… carrying a ring across an entire landscape fighting trolls and balrogs and golems and wraiths and orcs and goblins and ogres and all the other minions of Sauron to save Middle Earth?
Sometimes I think that’d be easier than watching a crazed toddler… albeit Dahlia is probably not too crazy… yet…
And why do they call it Middle Earth? is it like the meat in a planet sandwich? Are there giant pieces of stellar bread surrounding it? Is it like the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop, covered in a celestial candy shell?
The world may never know…
Jai,
It’s expected for men to watch toddlers in this age. It’s even nice to get a shout about it once in a while.
Men aren’t expected to be heroic anymore.
What’s the core gift that Ken really needs to give the world?
Does Ken know?
Will we give him a shout about it when he pursues that calling (not at the expense of his family) with self-sacrifice and passion?
The world is full of nice guys. I’m tired of nice.
–Frodo
I have a good amount of single female friends who would certainly beg to differ on “the world is full of nice guys” part…
Maybe Middle Earth is full of nice guys… regular Earth is full of not-so-nice guys.
Do you have kids? To call fatherhood (good fatherhood, like Ken’s) something other than self-sacrificing is completely off base.
I think that you are missing out on the fact that being a committed dad IS heroic. Anyone who grew up with a dad who was present, involved, loving and caring had their very own personal hero and understands what I am saying.
“What’s the core gift that Ken really needs to give the world?
Will we give him a shout about it when he pursues that calling (not at the expense of his family) with self-sacrifice and passion?”
Even if Ken doesn’t know what his ‘core gift’ is, we know for sure that his calling right now is to be a father. And being a father may just be the epitome of self-sacrifice and passion for men.
Sarah,
I don’t doubt that Ken is a present, involved, and loving father. I think you both have kind and sincere hearts. Right now, your love, faith and ability to keep your commitments hold you together.
These are all good things. He is, undoubtedly, called to these things, but, in some sense, the male journey *also* needs the heroic and transcendent.
He may be a good employee, a model church-goer, a good provider, a doting father and a reliable, loving husband, but, if, in a deep inner way, he can’t find his mission in life — his unique gift — that he must give the world, he will, perhaps, lose his nerve and his passion for living.
Eventually, his work will bore him, he will lose his full, loving, presence at home with you and the children because he’s ennervated about his mission being unfufilled. You might even begin to sense a growing hollowness in him. Maybe you will get bored with him; probably he might get bored with himself. One of you might slip into that cliche, but painfully real, mid-life crisis. Then the fun begins — not.
Oddly enough, men becoming more sensitive and attending to the household hasn’t really helped the marriage crisis in this country. There are plenty of “PC” marriages that are failing.
Being evangelicals doesn’t help much either. The divorce rate is equal or higher among evangelicals than in the population at large.
I’m not saying men shouldn’t sacrifice fo their children, watch the toddlers or change diapers — that’s all pro forma these days.
I’m suggesting that, perhaps, the hero’s journey is missing in the male psyche and it wounds his relationship with himself, his work, his marriage and family.
A good friend of mine recently received a Father’s day card from his wife stating he was a kind and reliable dad. There was no passion, warmth or love in that card, just a huge dose of that good old, “nose to the grindstone” acknowledgement of duty and self-sacrifice. I might add that his wife is seriously considering leaving this dutiful, Christian paragon of virtue. His successful career as a stable, involved and loving father did not prevent the malaise in the marriage.
I know the guy pretty well. No classic, major flaws that would cause someone to leave him. Unfortunately, he never really found his mission in life. He became boring to himself and, eventually, to his wife. He lost his passion for his own life, so his wife reasoned how could she trust him with her life?
I didn’t mean to burst your balloon of praise, Sarah.
Perhaps, it might help for you to acknowledge and send a “shout out” to Ken, not only when he buckles down and does his job with the kids, but also when he nurtures/discovers the burning passion in his soul. If he follows it, not only will he win his battle with the world, but, perhaps, he’ll be more fully alive and present with his family.
Your servant,
Frodo