I would be certifiably nuts to send this to a real prospective employer. But, as a creative writing device, it worked to bring my voice to the forefront and make me sound like a real human being. This kind of in-your-face audacity is probably a touch too harsh, but I can’t imagine having a little backbone as a bad thing. What do you think?

Hi there.

You don’t know me, so let me introduce myself to you. I’m the potential employee that was recently laid off from a technical analyst position for a large multinational company. I want to write you in such a way that will captivate your attention and make you think that I’m a witty and intelligent person. This, of course, may or may not be true — I could be a total coward with some tech skills — but, I guess you really won’t be able to find that out until we sit down and talk face-to-face.

I noticed your ad in/on the paper/web that you were looking for someone with my abilities to help propel your organization to reach its goals. I think it was wise for you to advertise the need for such a person — that is, rather than look for someone to bring your organization to its knees. Sorry; that was just a small joke, but the irony is hard to avoid. I mean, we’re all looking for kind of the same thing, aren’t we: a chance to bring people together and get ahead, and maybe, just maybe to put together a great group of people and doing something really HUGE in life. The fact that we feel the need to state and restate the obvious is just a bit funny, don’t you agree? And that leads me to the purpose for which I write you today.

The purpose of my writing you is not simply to give you a good laugh at my frankness and cleverness, although I hope there’s that. Rather, I’m writing you to let you know that I think I have the skills you’re looking for to do the job you’ve outlined in your ad. But, moreover, I think I have the personality, the experience, and — let’s face it — the sheer determination that your organization needs to do great things. You and I both know that it’s the little things in people that make the big differences in an organization. That attention to detail. That enthusiasm that seems to come out of nowhere. That sense of ownership. I’d like to submit to you that I believe I have those little things that will help you succeed in your own aspirations.

I understand your needs as a team leader to have great people because I’ve had to put together my own project team in the classroom to build great software (ask me about that sometime). I have a sense of the weight of your responsibility to drive success because I spent seven years working for a disciplined, results-driven organization. I understand how our product will need to be positioned for customers — both from a marketing and a technology point of view — because I eat, sleep and breathe the web. I even have ideas about how your product will need to change in the next five years because I spend my free time reading the books, articles and blogs by the people who are building this stuff on the cutting edge.

So, here. Attached is my résumé — take a look and see if you agree that I just might have something to offer. If you like what you see, give me a call and we’ll chat. Meantime, thanks for your attention; I’m looking forward to a mutually profitable relationship in the near future.

Sincerely,
Ken