Our Story | Slaying dragons

Long-term illness. It won’t happen to me. Seasonal colds. Sure. Occasional headaches? That’s fine. Even a 2-3 week infection is not a problem. But when illness sticks around for long periods of time, you begin to get a little nervous: “This is kind of cramping my style. I mean, I do deserve to be mostly healthy, right? It’s not like I am fighting a deadly disease, so I really have no excuse to still be sick!”

Well, you may wonder what all this rambling has to do with my marathon. Since about two months ago (mind you, that’s a sixth of a year of my life) I have been plagued by lung congestion and a hacking cough. Various other symptoms have come and gone, but I still remain definitively sick. The course of my sickness has been so long and uninteresting that I will not bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that after three rounds of antibiotics and continuous herbals, I have not been able to shake whatever this is. This has obviously affected my marathon training. In fact, for most of the entire month of September, I did not train, as per my doctor, and tried very hard to rest and heal. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. Maybe I should have rested for longer, but I have never been known for my patience, and a month while I was supposed to be training was an eternity anyway. So for the past few weeks, I have begun to run again, in the hope that I can face those 26.2 miles in ten days with some sort of vague confidence.

Over the past few weeks, as I have dealt with this, I have become more and more frustrated that I haven’t healed. I have realized that most of us have this expectation that our bodies should be reasonably healthy, and reasonably easy to keep in that state. However, I know that there are quite a few people that deal with chronic illnesses on a daily basis, not to mention the people who have to battle deadly diseases (such as Leukemia and Lymphoma). These people do not take daily health for granted. I think I have learned a small amount about that as I have struggled to rid myself of this chronic bronchitis. I had gotten to the point where worry about whether I would heal enough in time for the marathon was consuming me. And then I decided to let go of it. I know I am running this marathon in the name of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and to raise money for that organization. That goal has been accomplished—thanks to all of you and your generosity! I also know that if I am physically unable to run the marathon, none of my family or friends will think less of me. So, I decided that I am going to San Francisco and I will enjoy myself, whether I am able to run the marathon or not. As much as I truly desire to run the marathon, I know that worry about my health will not help me. I will try to run it, and keep a close ear on how I feel. If I cannot finish, there will always be other marathons.

A huge part of my experience has been that I really feel as if I deserve to have a healthy body. I felt very betrayed (by God, I guess) that I have not been able to get back into good health in a “reasonable” amount of time. Part Most of this is my pride. I feel like I am somehow knocked lower because I am unable to get better, and that it reflects poorly on how people see me. I seem weak. So here I am, with wounded pride and physically ailing, whining to God about how He could let me stay sick for so long when I have a marathon to train for. As if God owes me anything! Each second of breath and life that He gives me is a gift of His mercy, plain and simple. So I began to pray that I would trust in Him more and myself less, and that I would be content with what He has planned for me. That has proven to be very challenging for me. Although I have been able to let go of most of the worry surrounding the marathon, it still creeps in. I’m more concerned about injuring myself seriously during the marathon than I am about not finishing it. I was never really aiming for a stellar time anyway.

So that’s my story :)

Ten days away from the marathon that I have been training for these past six months and I’m not positive that I will be able to run it. Despite it all, I am excited about the whole thing, and grateful for the experience of the training and the opportunity to try anyway. I know many of you will be praying for me and thinking of me as we head out there this coming week. Thank you for your support. I love you all and I look forward to posting info and photos no matter what happens!