Drop the roles and cut the pretense. Stop hiding out behind the talents, the abilities, and the ego. Nobody buys it. He doesn’t believe it and certainly she’s not fooled. Everyone sees the fact that it’s just a façade. A fake. A lie. Maybe to compensate for the fact that I don’t get it. Maybe as a means to gain popularity or noteriety. Or maybe just because I don’t like who I really am and I’m not prepared to deal with that.
But I want so much to be known! I want for people to stop me in the streets and to look at me and tell me, “Hey wait—you’re so-and-so! Look at how you do what you do! Nobody else does what you do and certainly not anywhere near as well as you do it.” If anybody did, of course, it would be a threat to my reputation, my life’s purpose: my identity. So much time has gone by and almost everyone knows now what they’re supposed to think of me.
What is life but the endless pursuit of classifying everyone and everything in some relation to myself? Of becoming somebody and not just being the schmuck of whom everyone is so remarkably unaware? It’s like Origin of Species meets, like, Dead Poet’s Society.
It doesn’t matter. So long as I can keep up the act, the tough questions take care of themselves. Life is but one hard sell: using the art of conversation—and some subtle negotiation—to do some real convincing, to make delcarations, to spin perspectives and maybe stay one step ahead of having to come to the realization that I am not my Sunday best.
Thanks for posting this, Kenny. I’m not quite sure what’s going on there that prompted this, but it sure was a needed reality check here in my head, too.
This all sounds intersting, but I’m not entirely sure I understand what you are trying to say specifically, Ken. Is this a general statement, or a quote, or a personal conviction? And what the heck are Freedom Fries (If I were Freedom Fries, I’d slather myself in mustard and eat myself up, I’d be delicious)?
So, in laymens terms, what is this epiphany that you blogged about ? I have to deconstruct this:
“Drop the roles and cut the pretense. Stop hiding out behind the talents, the abilities, and the ego. Nobody buys it.”
Who are you talking to?
“He doesn’t believe it and certainly she’s not fooled. Everyone…”
Who is he, she, and everyone?
“…sees the fact that it’s just a faade. A fake. A lie.”
(to quote Faith No More) What is it?
“Maybe to compensate for the fact that I don’t get it.”
You’ve now changed imperitives. This is where I get confused, are you speaking about you or to someone else?
I really want to understand this blog entry because it seems profound in it’s wording, but I get lost in the imperative changes.
(Just another anaylisis from a wannabe English teacher
)
Hmm. Trackback is busted for me. But I wanted to post a long reply. You can read it over at http://www.flipsidejones.net – I don’t know if I fully understood your wording/post, but when has that ever stopped me from replying before?
Oh, man! I hate that identity thing, I HATE THAT! The expectations on myself to be someone everyone likes-this is where I struggle. I actually said to someone the other day, “Oh, I don’t really care what other people think…”, wanting so much for her to BELIEVE that I am so secure in myself that I don’t care what others think. The really pathetic thing in that moment, is that this was someone who looks up to me as a homeschooling, got it together, really impressive person. It makes me sick to think of my idiocy.
Or, what about those things I hope people will think about me? I want others to think of me as
the mom whose children never disobey
the wife who never complains
the homemaker whose home is always clean
the woman who is really thin on the inside
the friend who is ALWAYS funny
the teacher who is always ready to teach
the woman ready to serve at all times
the person who never gets angry
the pet owner who can take care of a pet (ok, I threw the last one in for a laugh)
And, yet…and, yet…what does God see me as?
a sinner saved by grace
I find my most recent struggle within has everything to do with that sinner saved by grace thing. No matter what I “accomplish”, no matter who I “impress”, no matter how I blow it in my walk…..I am still just a sinner saved by grace.
Anyone else out there who will be GRATEFUL to shed this mortal coil, and spend eternity NOT WORRYING about what anyone else thinks?
ok, I have to say it for the record….
I really hate internet silence. What the pick does THAT say about my identity??
Jen- I totally hear you.
What a relief to rely on the fact that it’s God’s opinion who overrules all others. Even my own…
Sadly enough, I find that sometimes I fight to do things so that I will feel better about myself, or to fullfil some prideful image I have built of myself.
*sigh*
The complications (and simplicity) of my slefish sin nature astound me.
Lord, renew my mind and help me to be transformed, even as I struggle here on earth against conforming to what is comfortable.
I agree-it is astounding. My final thought on all of this is that I will be unbelievably, indescribably relieved to get to heaven, and truly shed this mortal coil….
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